no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
