Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just tell him i said nine months
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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