grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
