So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
