He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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