ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i love accidental penises.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
