I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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