Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
