so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
