Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
