I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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