At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
