I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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