I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
