I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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