i think my mom watched the whole time
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
