that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
