Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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