guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
