I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Found your dick twin last night
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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