So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
