He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
