Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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