I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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