Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
