You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
