you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
