I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
