You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
