how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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