My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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