I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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