Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
