Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
