He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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