just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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