What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
