Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
