he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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