Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
