I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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