Where is the hickey?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
