I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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