Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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