you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
