He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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