So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
