He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
