ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
