You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
